random feeling

Hi! Kinda feel sad at this moment. I feel like I'm the worst daughter ever.
When I opened twitter just a moment ago, I found my friends are talking about the scores that they get for this semester. I'm totally hopeless and feel so much down. I can already predict the result and I know it won't be a good result. I feel like my performance through this semester hasn't been good enough. Actually, it's not just the fuckin annoying score that I worry about. It's all about my parents. I feel like I'm the worst daughter ever because I can't give them the best result. For every rupiahs that they've given to me (directly or not), I can't even give them any pride at all. Ah damn it! Why we all as human beings should be judged by some numbers. I know my parents put their soul in the line, so that I can happily go to university and get some money to be spent. And what the return that they will get from me? Nothing. No No No Nothing.
Maybe it's not a very big problem for some people, but not for me. I'm the one who will feel so much upset with myself for dragging me to the -not the best- place. Yes, since I was a little girl, I always have a big ambition to be the best (at least in the academic way). I wanna (at least) be the best at one point. Because I know I'm so lame in sport and music, etc.That's why I always push myself beyond my limit, but now I didn't have any fire that burning in my soul at all. It's all F-L-A-T!
I need you to guide me, I need you to always remind me, I need you to be here holding and hugging me with your warmest hug, I need you here to give me spirit, I need you here to enlighten my way, I need you here to help me. I need your help...I need you ya Allah :""(