To wear hijab is an obligation for every female Muslims in the world. Since I am a Muslim as well, I do also have that obligation to be followed. But I haven't really realized that even if I've reached my baligh age. Year by year I passed without wore hijab. I felt okay at that time because I saw there were just a few of my friends who use it. I don't know what was in to me at that time, but I just didn't feel like I was ready to wear hijab for the rest of my life. When I entered senior high school, there is a regulation where all the female Muslims have to wear hijab every time there's a religious education. And I still remember how I started to feel guilty for keeping my sins that much. I also started to think that I don't wanna people (especially males just look at me for the way I look, not the way I think or behave). I started to dig my knowledge about hijab itself, I asked my friends who already use hijab a long time ago. I asked the reason why they decided to use hijab, their feeling when use it at first, their family's comments about that, etc.I found many interesting yet kind of slapping. They all (well most of them) said that they use it because of Allah, but some of them who have used hijab since elementary school said at first it because their parents asked them to, or because it is an obligation from their school to use it. But they said day by day, they realized that they use it because of Allah too. It built my intention to use hijab higher than before. But there was always something which kept bothering me a lot at that time. I wondered how if I don't stick to what I believe someday? How if *naudzubillah* I put off my hijab because I don't feel like I want to? I didn't want it to be happened. That was why I kept holding myself to be brave to embrace it. When I entered the senior year in my high school, my intention reached almost the highest level. I asked my-already hijab-ed-friends about what they feel inside their hijab? They all said it is really comfortable even on the sunny days. That's more than enough for me to thicken my intention. I've reached my top level of intention to wear hijab when my teacher which taught religious education asked us (female Muslims) who haven't used hijab, the reasons behind why we kept acting blind to do our obligation? I kind of stuttered at that time, I didn't know what to say, because I did know that I was completely wrong and sinful. I kept thinking about that for days and nights. Until at about 3 pm in one sunny November 2011, I finally firmed up my intention to use hijab. At that time I prepared myself to go to course place. Then suddenly I just took my hijab and wore it. When I arrived at my friend's house. She was completely stunned, wonderstrucked and wondered what on earth which made me use hijab. I just silly-smiled at her and explained why I decided to use it. Ohya btw, my parents knew I decided to use hijab by text hahaha. I simply text my dad who was going with my mom at that time, like this:
"Mom, Dad, start from now on, I've decided to use hijab. I don't use it because of anybody. I just felt like I've been mature enough to realize that it is my obligation as a Muslim" then my parents said "Okay, you've decided so stick with it". My friends at school felt wondered too when I entered school with hijab on me. But they looked happy with it, my close-teachers felt it too but they congratulated me for what I've done. They looked so astonish either. In conclusion, they embrace me for the way I look from the day on and felt happy too for me.
Now, it's over a year from the first time I use this graceful clothing on me. I've been through rough days to hear people mocked at me because I haven't used the proper hijab like it has to. They mocked me direct/indirectly. I've almost defeated at one moment and thought "did I really that vile in their eyes?" But then I realized it's not them who deserve to judge me. It's only Allah, the one who created me and give me life up to this point. I do realize till now, I haven't used hijab properly because I still wear jeans pants and haven't use a long dress like it should. I work on it, I start to fix myself and the way I wear hijab to the syar'i way. Sometimes I do feel like all the words which persuade and kind of warn me to wear hijab properly do hurt me a lot. I feel like I've been cornered because of the wrong approach that I take. However I have to accept that because it's a true thing. Yes, truth does hurt. That's why you hear and say sweet-lie more than bitter-truth. Help and guide me to reach my syar'i hijab, I work on it.
I think that's my 1 year experience since the first time I decided to wear Hijab :) Hope you can be inspired and be a better person than me.
ps: I felt so touched when I hear from my friend that my mom actually felt so much happy when she knew at the first time that I will use hijab. Actually my mom really wanted me to use hijab since a long time ago and she always said it on her pray. Yes she prays for me :") what can I ask more than that? I love you mom, a lot!
xoxo
Yummi
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